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It was more like, "Do your think while I sit here and pretend it isn't happening. It isn't so much the physical trauma that happened that was devestating to me, but the emotional part of him turning into an abuser that was mean to me and rejected me.
I also had to deal with the family finding out, and it still continuing. So many feelings, beliefs, and thoughts I have internalized because of a huge crisis I had to face by myself starting at age 7.
I have tried to deal with it in different ways over the years. I ignored it, avoided him while still living with him , tried to be his sister, put him in jail, apologized to him, hated him and wouldn't let my daughter around him and denounced him to the whole family, eventually dumped all of my half siblings, felt sorry for him and tried to understand him as being a victim too, tried being a peace and love hippy and love everyone, wrote him letters, prayed, tried to find substitute brothers, and now psychotherapy.
Oh, I tried some counseling and medications, drinking, pot smoking, and extramarital affairs with men and women, perfectionism, and staying in bed for years too.
Probably other things I am not thinking of at the moment. But so far, this is still a weight I carry. He and I may be linked more intimately than anyone else I am linked with.
And I haven't had safe feelings toward him since I was about 4 years old. I want it to stop. I want to find a way to once and for all put it to rest the best that I can.
I don't want to avoid it anymore. I don't want to have weird feelings toward males. I don't want to be agoraphobic and highly activated with adrenaline.
I want to find a way to experience the true core pain and move on. I think it is really good that you are starting psychotherapy as hopefully that will be the thing that helps you to finally deal with this.
You wont ever forget it but therapy will help you work through it and find a manageable place for it. Please also talk here as much as you want to - you will find ppl who understand and care and that can be a very helpful thing when you are working through abuse.
Safe hugs Cracked. I am too. Different circumstances same result. I have been encouraged by the people who responded to my post.
I hope you will be too. As with aussie surfer, I had different circumstances but same impact that I am still dealing with.
I know this complicated intimate connection with those who harmed you. I call it a karmic connection and I think many people who have been sexually abused know what it is.
I've also tried to deal with it and to heal it any way possible and, even though, I haven't been able to heal it completely, I've just learned how to cope with it better.
Yes, it is important for recovery to disentangle from those who took advantage of you and yet were intimately connected with you, but this is a work in progress, it doesn't happen overnight and there is no quick remedy for this.
It's a no small task. From experience I can say that it takes determination, patience and also being brutally honest with yourself about what you really want.
For a long time I believed that I wanted to be able to get everything that happened to me out of my system until I realized that what I really wanted was for the wrongdoers to take responsibility and genuinely apologize to me in order to repair and continue my relationships with them.
I wanted it so badly that it prevented me from letting go of them and from managing my daily life. Once I accepted that this will never happen, I started recovering and disconnecting from them.
As I said, I can't say that I made a perfect closure but at least I am not obsessed about what happened anymore. That doesn't apply to all of my experiences though, just to some.
And other experiences still weigh heavily on me. Just touching her vagina with the head of your penis? That's horrible.
Especially if you are a virgin. I've played "Just the Tip" lol Show All Show Less. Once the tip is in it is penile penetration which mean no more virginity.
Good grief, I can hear it now. Today, only the tip and I'm still a virgin. Next month, it was only an inch, I'm still a virgin.
Next year, who knows? Never heard of this game. How the hell anymore is suppose to go back from that Seems definitely past the point of no return.
Sign Up Now! Sort Girls First Guys First. Xper 7. Just the tip. That's fucking. Are people really that ignorant? My god.
Shaft50 Guru. Yeah, done that and it's fun I've played that, and it always goes further It's hard to play the game and not get carried away.
So you need some sex partner. Your sister in law is interested to have relationship with you. You are also willing.
So go ahead. Do not hesitate. Grow a pair and move on. Its pretty obvious you don't love your wife or you wouldn't even be thinking of such shit. Never remain in a relationship just because of the kids.
It rarely ever works. If you must fuck your wife's sister then do it already and just becareful that it isn't a trap.
Ranbam Xper 2. Dude I know what you mean. My sister in law is so smoking hot. I wanna do her so bad lol. Toad-1 Guru. Sataya Xper 4. I am sorry to hear about your problems.
Go for it if your wife's sister is truly interested in you. Two wrongs don't make a right bro. That's my two cents. But it's your life, do whatever and face whatever repercussions or consequences that follow.
LegateLanius Master. Kids don't matter in this case. Get a fucking divorce. They'll understand. Marriage for the kids sake is stupid as fuck.
PrincessProtection Yoda. What a stupid excuse. Show All Show Less. DodgersGM Master. So you want to cheat in order to save your marriage.
Fucking a sister is worse than her fucking a friend. It has much more potential hate and anger. It's a very bad idea.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death Snogged ahahahahahaha wtf Can you involve the mother as well?
Xper 6. You're still together because of the Kids but all of these are so healthy for them right!! Kcazzie Xper 1. If you loved your wife your focus would be on forgiving and moving on, not leveling the playing field.
Sounds like you should fuck your wife's sister for the sake of your marriage. Xper 3. Bad idea, if you have to do it go outside her family.
I see her sister as the best option Go to tinder or adult friend finder. Words-Have-Power Xper 2. Why ask your going do it anyway if given the chance.
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Nach meiner Meinung, Sie auf dem falschen Weg.
Genau in das Ziel:)